Friday, September 14, 2012

4 Alternate Uses of a Combichrist Shirt

In a bygone era, Baby Anarchiteuthis went to every spooky show that came to her town and bought shirts and CDs at nearly all of them.  In summer 2005, one of these shows was Combichrist.

Strig and I met in 2009, when I considered my gothiest days past, and I was like WOAH RADICAL RIVET.  I tried to unload all of my old stuff onto them, I couldn't even remember which one Combichrist was, but Strig brought to my attention Andy's distasteful use of violently misogynist imagery, as well as some of their racist imagery.  For years that damn Combichrist shirt rotted in the shirt drawer, a reminder of oblivious youth.  But recently it occurred to me that I am a resourceful young woman committed to reuse of materials.  So here I share with you some other things one can do with a Combichrist shirt.

1. Clean and maintain your bike.

Every week or two, but especially after riding in the rain and/or filth, you're gonna want take a rag and wipe down your frame, lube up your chain and moving parts, pry all the gunk off your chainring, and definitely get that grime off the jockey wheels/pulleys in your derailleur, shown here (less you ride fixie).  Worth noting: though we love reusing materials, bike rags, once saturated with filth, must be landfilled.  Do not attempt to launder them, as the chemically black murky street grime and lube will poison the water supply.  (Fun fact: that derailleur is older than I am.)

2. Make do and mend.

Patch up the holes in your pants.  Patch up where the pants tore next to the patches.  Also patch up your hip pouches and shopping bags when your activities decimate them.  Cheaper than buying new shit, plus new shit is generally made by sexually harassed slaves in Bangladesh and Pakistan who regularly die in factory fires.

3. O snap, is that Anarchiteuthis flaggin as a dyke daddy?

In the other pocket, in this shade of green, means you're an orphan looking for a daddy.  (I srsly hope that troll comes back and calls me fat again)

4. Or maybe you've just gotta blow some snot.

Cheaper than buying tissues, gentler on your delicate faceskin, plus you can wash and reuse them, whereas tissues come from clearcutting forests and mashing up wood pulp with hideous bleachy chemicals that are poisoning us all.  And then get landfilled.

This has been your rivet feminist guide to perverted sexual practices and eco-trrrrrrrrrism.


  1. Also you're flaggin military green which is uniform fetishist (ironically). Hunter green is daddy :-)